I Cry Out

Psalm 142:1-2 ESV

142 With my voice I cry out to the Lord;
    with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.
I pour out my complaint before him;
    I tell my trouble before him.

Yesterday was a difficult day.  Something that I had been working on for months, did not work out as planned.  I thought I was dealing with the disappointment well, going through my daily routine, taking care of my family, laughing, baking, and watching a movie.  Yeah… I really wasn’t doing well at all.

Later in the evening, a friend called to tell me about a job opportunity that sounded perfect for me.  I was excited!  As she continued to speak to me, an overwhelming sense of dread came over me.  My chest tightened and I could feel the lump forming in my throat and tears invading my eyes.  After a year of trying to figure out how to find a job that worked around my chronic illnesses, that would allow me to rest when needed, I sat there and realized that I wasn’t going to be able to do this.

Although the qualifications are there, the hours are whatever I decided they would be, and it involves helping children, it’s not the purpose God has placed on my heart.  That alone, made me curl up on the couch and want to give up.  A job that will provide food, clothing, and shelter for my family is not what I am supposed to do right now, and I was devastated for a few hours.  But then, two friends reached out to me in the late hours of the evening.

These two ladies made me realize that all is not lost.   I need to be strong and have faith.  At a time when I was crying out to God to show my family relief from this turmoil, stress, and suffering, He sent these two angels to me to tell me that it was going to be okay.

I still don’t know what today, tomorrow, or next week will bring.  I still struggle with trying to figure how in the world I’m going to buy my family food and clothing for the cold spell that’s about to hit us.  But, there is peace in knowing that when I cry out to God, he has set people in my life to send me a message of reassurance, that I am supposed to be working for HIM, and that He will not forsake me.

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